Joke+of+the+Week

=Week 11 (The End)= Ever wondered? 1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? 3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? 4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? 5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? 6. Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? 7. Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing? 8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges? 9. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting? 10. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"? = = =Week 10= = = =Week 9= media type="file" key="Asthma.WMV" width="300" height="300" = = = = =Week 8= No Joke…….Believe it or not, you can read it !!

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch taem at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Such a cdonition is arppoiately cllaed Typoglycemia :)-

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and yuo awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt. = =

=Week 7= DARE YOU TAKE THIS REVEALING TEST??? Take your time and see if you can without a mistake.**** The average person over 11 years of age cannot do it.**
 * The following was developed as a mental-age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University.****

1.   This is this cat 2.   This is is cat 3.  This is how cat 4.  This is to cat 5.  This is keep cat 6.  This is a cat 7.  This is silly cat 8.  This is student cat 9.  This is busy cat 10.  This is for cat 11.  This is forty cat 12.  This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down.

= = =Week 6= What can you call a large gorilla wearing earmuffs? Anything you like ...... He can't hear you!!!

= = =Week 5= Knock Knock Who's there Euroa Euroa who ? Euroa the boat, I'll catcha the fish!

= = =Week 4= I was testing children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?' 'NO!' the children answered. 'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?' Again, the answer was 'No!' By now I was starting to smile. ' Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?' Again, they all answered 'No!'. I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, ' Then how can I get into heaven?' A six year-old boy shouted out " YUV GOTTA BE DEAD.........."

= = =Week 3= A guy goes into the doctor's office. There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot stuck in one nostril and a cucumber in the other ear. The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?" The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you're not eating right."

= = =Week 2= = = =Week 1= Tommy was bragging to his grandmother that he was the fastest runner in school, the best footballer, the best at playing tiggy, a champion table tennis player and the best at a number of other activities in his whole school. Grandmother said "I would like to hear you are the best reader in school or the best at maths"'. Tommy looked very plaintive and said "that's too hard, there are hundreds of kids at my school!!!

= START TERM FOUR (I SEE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL!!) = = = =Week 10= A chicken crossed the road and met James Bond, 'What's your name?' asked the chicken. 'Bond, James Bond. What's yours?' 'Ken, Chick Ken.' = = =Week 9= Dr. Smith asks his patient, "Which do you want first, the good news or the bad news?" The patient replies, "Give me the good news." Dr. Smith says, "You're about to have a disease named after you."

= = =Week 8= Stuck in traffic for what felt like forever, I couldn't help but notice the license plate on the car in front of me. It read BAA BAA. I was clueless as to why they had chosen this personalised number plate -- until I looked at the vehicle the plate was attached to: a black Jeep.

=Week 7= A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?" The father thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't rightly know, son." The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breathe underwater?" Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?" Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son." Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?" "Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn anything!" = = =Week 6= media type="file" key="PingPong.mpg" width="300" height="300" = = =Week 5= If a fire hydrant has H2O inside, what does it have outside? Answer...K9P = = =Week 4= Paul Harvey RIDDLE: When asked this riddle, 80% of kindergarten kids got the answer, compared to only17% of University students. What is greater than God, more evil than the devil, the poor have it, the rich need it, and if you eat it, you'll die?


 * Are you smarter than a kindergarten kid?**

Give up? (Press the shift key and you will get the answer.) P.S. You won't believe this, but this really does give you the answer!!!! = = =Week 3= []

Copy this URL into your web browser (be patient as there is a lot of graphics) Type in a message, or your name, in the box and press GO. You will be amazed!!

= = =Week 2= It's really humid in the woods, so the two hiking buddies remove their shirts and shoes. But when they spot a sign saying "Beware of bears," one of them stops to put his shoes back on. "What's the point?" the other says. "You can't outrun a bear." "Actually," says his friend, "all I have to do is outrun you."

=Week 1= = = = = = START TERM THREE!! =

=Week 10=
 * Dr Seuss Explains Why Computers Sometimes Crash**

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted because the index doesn't flash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall ... and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro code instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!

Well that certainly clears things up for me - hope it does for you as well!

= = =Week 9= Teacher: "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?" Student: "A teacher." = = =Week 8=

Cow 2: "I'm a duck."
= = =Week 7= == =Week 6= ==

=Week 5= Hw do U kp a txtr in suspense? I'll tel U l8r.

= = =Week 4= I woke up this morning thinking I had swine flu as I had broken out in rashers! So I rang the swine flu hotline. But all I got was crackling....... = = =Week 3= A doctor asked a patient: "If I were to cut one of your ear off, what will happen to you?" Patient: "Then I will not be able to hear..." Doctor: "Hmm.. that's normal... So if I were to cut your other ear off, what will happen to you?" Patient: "Then I will not be able to see..." The doctor became nervous and asked: "Why would you not see then???" Patient: "Because my spectacles will drop off." = = =Week 2= Q. What do cats call mice on skateboards? A. "Meals on Wheels" =Week 1= Two fish in a tank, one says to the other - you drive I'll man the guns. = = = START TERM TWO!! = = = =Week 10= Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? Because it died. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was holding hands with the first monkey Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Because it thought they were all playing a game! =Week 9= =media type="file" key="telstra.mp3" width="240" height="20"= (You need sound!)

=Week 8= This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog. = = =Week 7= A hostage.
 * What do you call a good-looking woman with a Collingwood fan? **

=Week 6= Did you hear about the snail that got beat up by two turtles? At the police station they asked him, “Did you get a good look at the turtles that did this? He said, “No, it all happened so fast.”

=Week 5= == "Tell me the truth. Does this bikini make me look too fat?"

=Week 4=
 * **==== **A teacher noted that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some question. Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil.  **====**

**"That's not true," the student replied. "I never pay attention anyway!" **
|| = = =Week 3= =media type="file" key="NewMouse.wmv" width="300" height="300"= = = = = =Week 2=